festive..and alone.
'Tis the season to be jolly, and not the season to be single.
If it was, the song would be: "Single bells, single bells…"
But it isn't.
Being single around Christmas time is one of two things I don't enjoy about the festive season.
The second thing is advent calendars. I think I have a fear of them. Not for the creepy little windows that are supposed to make you feel like a giant each time you open them from December 1, but for the fear that if I buy an advent calendar I'll just eat each piece of chocolate in one sitting and need 23 additional calendars.
I've never bought myself an advent calendar for that very reason and it's been added to the list of things I won't get involved in which includes conga lines, playing ten pin bowling and drinking decaf.
Now, being single. It doesn't really bother me, unless I'm attending a wedding or Christmas function.
Often I get invited to a wedding and the invite will say, "Dear Maree, We would love…".
It's never, "Dear Maree and 'guest', 'significant other', 'plus one', 'would you like to bring someone to keep you company while you witness two people proclaim their undying love for each other, something you may never experience'?"
Oh…I get it now, the brides and grooms were all just saving me the difficulty of trying to find a date. Thanks guys.
Our work Christmas party is looming and I forgot to pre-arrange my plus one. Usually I rope in my best mate Jen. She's funny, good at conversation, hot-to-trot, and gets along with anyone (wow….she's coming up trumps on most dates…).
My boss said to me the morning of confirming bookings for the party: "Are you bringing Jen?"
I'm so predictable.
But alas, Jen wasn't available and I was stuck with the mission of thinking of someone else who might fit right into my workplace dynamics.
OPTION ONE: I could take my Dad. I do talk about my family a fair bit at work and my colleagues already feel they know him.
Nah…he'd only show me up on the dad jokes and pun front and I hate being shown up.
OPTION TWO: My little brother Benny.
No, he's too cool for me. He probably wouldn't even sit next to me at the dinner table.
OPTION THREE: My older brother Nick.
Nope, the last time I took him anywhere he fed a cock and bull story about his disadvantaged childhood to my housemate, Jess and made her cry. Now every time I say something about Nick, Jess will say, "Don't be mean to Nick, his parents were mean to him."
"HIS PARENTS???!!! THEY'RE MY PARENTS TOO…ps…they weren't mean."
So Nick was out.
Unfortunately I ended up taking too long to decide, so without time to run some sort of 'Win A Date With Tad Hamilton' ruse, I had to go with OPTION FOUR - take no one.
Woe. Woe. Woe.
It's not just Christmas parties when it sucks to be single.
Usually around Christmas time, my siblings and I all head to my parents' place.
My five siblings all have significant others so I'm the first to be thrown out on the couch or on a gradually depleting air mattress in the main walkway while everyone else gets the comfy beds in spare rooms. This means I'm the last to go to bed and the first to wake and everyone wonders why I'm grumpy on the happiest day of the year.
Last year, on Christmas morning, my Dad asked, "How did you sleep?"
"The air mattress went down during the night…I felt so deflated."
And that pretty much summed up my spirit; tired, alone, exposed, and lying in the middle of the hallway awaiting someone to step on my head as they got up to get themselves a drink of water, only to spill the drink of water on me and step on my head on the way back to bed.
And these are the thoughts that went through my head when I was merely asked,"Are you bringing someone to the Christmas party?"
"No, no, I'm not!!!"
Wow…so sensitive.
-Ends-
If it was, the song would be: "Single bells, single bells…"
But it isn't.
Being single around Christmas time is one of two things I don't enjoy about the festive season.
The second thing is advent calendars. I think I have a fear of them. Not for the creepy little windows that are supposed to make you feel like a giant each time you open them from December 1, but for the fear that if I buy an advent calendar I'll just eat each piece of chocolate in one sitting and need 23 additional calendars.
I've never bought myself an advent calendar for that very reason and it's been added to the list of things I won't get involved in which includes conga lines, playing ten pin bowling and drinking decaf.
Now, being single. It doesn't really bother me, unless I'm attending a wedding or Christmas function.
Often I get invited to a wedding and the invite will say, "Dear Maree, We would love…".
It's never, "Dear Maree and 'guest', 'significant other', 'plus one', 'would you like to bring someone to keep you company while you witness two people proclaim their undying love for each other, something you may never experience'?"
Oh…I get it now, the brides and grooms were all just saving me the difficulty of trying to find a date. Thanks guys.
Our work Christmas party is looming and I forgot to pre-arrange my plus one. Usually I rope in my best mate Jen. She's funny, good at conversation, hot-to-trot, and gets along with anyone (wow….she's coming up trumps on most dates…).
My boss said to me the morning of confirming bookings for the party: "Are you bringing Jen?"
I'm so predictable.
But alas, Jen wasn't available and I was stuck with the mission of thinking of someone else who might fit right into my workplace dynamics.
OPTION ONE: I could take my Dad. I do talk about my family a fair bit at work and my colleagues already feel they know him.
Nah…he'd only show me up on the dad jokes and pun front and I hate being shown up.
OPTION TWO: My little brother Benny.
No, he's too cool for me. He probably wouldn't even sit next to me at the dinner table.
OPTION THREE: My older brother Nick.
Nope, the last time I took him anywhere he fed a cock and bull story about his disadvantaged childhood to my housemate, Jess and made her cry. Now every time I say something about Nick, Jess will say, "Don't be mean to Nick, his parents were mean to him."
"HIS PARENTS???!!! THEY'RE MY PARENTS TOO…ps…they weren't mean."
So Nick was out.
Unfortunately I ended up taking too long to decide, so without time to run some sort of 'Win A Date With Tad Hamilton' ruse, I had to go with OPTION FOUR - take no one.
Woe. Woe. Woe.
It's not just Christmas parties when it sucks to be single.
Usually around Christmas time, my siblings and I all head to my parents' place.
My five siblings all have significant others so I'm the first to be thrown out on the couch or on a gradually depleting air mattress in the main walkway while everyone else gets the comfy beds in spare rooms. This means I'm the last to go to bed and the first to wake and everyone wonders why I'm grumpy on the happiest day of the year.
Last year, on Christmas morning, my Dad asked, "How did you sleep?"
"The air mattress went down during the night…I felt so deflated."
And that pretty much summed up my spirit; tired, alone, exposed, and lying in the middle of the hallway awaiting someone to step on my head as they got up to get themselves a drink of water, only to spill the drink of water on me and step on my head on the way back to bed.
And these are the thoughts that went through my head when I was merely asked,"Are you bringing someone to the Christmas party?"
"No, no, I'm not!!!"
Wow…so sensitive.
-Ends-
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